I haven’t died. I’m just lazy about updating now that school has started. Very few of you follow me exclusively on tumblr so I suppose you know that. Whatever.
But I’ve received encouragement to start writing again, so we’ll see how I can try and oblige that.
Nothing new to say, first test (not exam, test) tomorrow. It’s online. It’s MicroEconomics. The instructor expects us all to get C’s. I’m not so pleased.
Time to study. Study study study.
I’m really liking Econ though. =]
Cause I can’t be caught red handed if I’m not red handed
I was pulling out my heart so I could pin it to my sleeve, on display for you to see
This song.
During the whole summer, especially in these past few weeks, I’ve had many different opinions forced upon me concerning academics and education in general. I’ve heard that I should drop out of school, or that people who get B’s and C’s in AP classes late in high school are slackers, but I’ve also heard that my plan is really solid and responsible in this day and age. This culminated tonight when my grandma told me, quite seriously, that she expected me to end up in Washington, working in a position such as the national treasurer. While being employed by the government really would NOT be my cup of tea, that level of confidence from someone as close to me as her is the best thing that I could have at this point in my life. People need to realize that, more than the grades you get, it’s the experiences you have and ultimately where you end up. And if I have that level of confidence in myself, I can do anything.
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I may have figured it out.
Option 1: Major in Economics, minor in Math. (which, by the way, I could in finish in time for my projected Spring 2013 graduation date)
OR….
Econ/Math DOUBLE MAJOR
I like it. I like it a lot. It’s not done, certainly. I’ll might still talk to someone from the school of business to see what it would take to get into the Accounting or Finance programs (probably either a leg, or my first-born…), but in all reality, I’m satisfied with this plan and think I’ll still be pleased with it after some more time reflecting on it. I feel like I’m making progress now, rather than blindly wandering and feeling overwhelmed, and I’m actually looking forward to going back to school FOR SCHOOL-related things again, which never really happened in my first two years here. And anything extra, (band, trilambs, friends, everything) in my life is just making me want to come back more.
Just found out that basically no matter what I end up choosing for my major (out of my significantly narrowed-down list), I could add a Math minor with no sweat at all. Thank you Engineering, for the one good thing you’ve done for me.
Don’t get me wrong. If I could choose to skip over it entirely, I’d end up working myself to exhaustion and I totally recognize that fact. It’s not all bad either, some of my favorite memories happen in the summer and there’s plenty of things to look forward to. Maybe that’s just it - my irritation stems from the fact that, in the summer, everything moves so slowly, because we have so much TIME. I’m not that kind of person, I can’t be that kind of person. I know I have to fix my life, so why can’t I do that now? I have so many things I couldn’t do during the year, so why is it unreasonable that, now that I have time, I want to do them all NOW. And I think I’m the only one who feels that way.
In other news, I can’t make decisions on what music I want to listen to … how should I be expected to choose what I want to major in? I’m pathetic.
Another semester comes to a close. It’s been quite a year, just looking at where I was last year, I’ve come quite a long way. If you knew me then, you might have noticed a difference (or not, it’s really whatever), and if you didn’t know me, then it’s probably for the best, and I’m glad you’re getting to know me now.
For the record, I’d probably say that no matter what. Whatevs.
What this year has been for me:
Essentially, I’ve spent this year coming into my own and learning to be comfortable with growing into myself. I look around everyday and see so many people who have “got it together” so to speak, and although sometimes I wish that I could be like them, I know that it’s worthwhile to stick it out and be like me. I can really thank my friends, if I’ve spent any sort of time with you, you’ve helped me define who I am without realizing it. So, now that I’ve told you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Part of me is really looking forward to about 2 hours, 39 minutes from now when I can blast “the dog days are over” then take about 100 hours worth of naps to make up for the lost sleep brought on by this semester. I won’t, but the option is there which makes all the difference. The other part, the part I tend to listen to more, is excited for when I get back to school, seeing my friends’ faces as they move in and prepare for preseason, as we all work together to create the best band UConn/the country has ever seen. And if and only if everyone feels the same way, we will. Until then, peace out sophomore year, it’s been real.
Back in Coventry, had a fairly crazy week, oh well. It’s over now, the important part is to see how I recover from it.
The smell of my room reminds me of summertime. I don’t know what this means, but I’m just gonna go with it.
Fabulous guest lecture today by George Hopkins of the Cadets drum and bugle corps, sort of reinforced the realization that I have a very different perspective on life than most people do, but it’s a totally valid and awesome one.
My sentence structure is kinda lacking today (and is only gonna get worse as this wears on). Hence, using the words “kinda”. And “hence” apparently. I never use that. I’m blaming the cold medicine I’m on. And you know I’m having a relatively rough time of it when I’m taking any sort of medicine.
Emily Maynard, you just liked “not dying” on facebook. Next time I hack someone’s facebook, I’m going to make them like all these ridiculous combinations of things… this is going to require planning. Oh boy. You should be afraid, very afraid…
I strongly disliked this week’s Glee. Because of the terribly overdone auto-tune, not the glorification of teenage drinking, for the record. For me that show is more about the music, anyway.
Someone, tell me a song to arrange for… something. Do it up. I don’t care if it’s silly, one might say silliness is required…
On the subject of silliness, I have a maddd goofy story for anyone who wants to hear one.
Carry on, my wayward sons.
Confidence.
It’s something that I typically have, at least a little bit. I don’t usually think I need more. I tend to get angry with myself if I’m overconfident, and I don’t really know why.
The last few weeks have finally hit me. I couldn’t really get into a rhythm as far as studying and it’s started to show, now I’m staying up until 1-2 am trying to catch up before exam week happens next week, or before I do anything seriously irreversible to my grades.
I don’t know why I don’t believe in myself.
Maybe it’s because of the fact that I waited until my senior year of high school when applying for UConn to finally decide I wanted to be an engineering major. My family are all musicians and teachers so it’s something they don’t have a frame of reference to understand at all what I’m doing (or rather, what I should be doing to ensure my future) so their encouragement is rather minimal, I guess I’m in another world here. My high school wasn’t that great and neither was I one of the smartest in my class. I spend my free evenings playing music. When these all add up, it feels like I’m going about everything all wrong.
But what if those things didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter when I decide what direction I want my career to go in, plenty of people who graduate college don’t decide what they really want to do until later, or decide, then change their mind. It doesn’t matter who my family is or what they do, it’s enough that they love me and be there when I need them. High school doesn’t matter anymore, the people who survive Coventry High School and move onto a 4 year college are no worse off than people from any other school around here. I might not have been the smartest, but some of those kids in my class that I like to compare myself to are geniuses. And that’s fine. But to think that I will be forever less capable than them, living in their shadow is totally false - there’s many ways to apply intelligence and I know that someday, I’ll find the best one for me. And who really cares what hobbies I have and talents I cultivate, who knows where those could take me. As long as I’m able to play trumpet or run, know that when you see me, I’m giving 100%.
So why shouldn’t I be an engineering major? Why am I scared that I’ll let myself down if I give it everything I have? The worst that can happen is a whole lot better than if I don’t try at all. And then if I still feel this same sense of failure, I can wallow in self-pity knowing that I did the best I could and probably am a better person for it.
And yeah, all those misgivings I wrote about up above? They don’t matter, because I choose for them not to.
This is happening.
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